Cocktail O’Clock: The Bitch Colada

When baking, I enjoy meticulously measuring out all the required ingredients, combining them following a sequence of overly precise instructions to finally end up with a predictable – and hopefully edible – result.

However, when it comes to cocktails, I have a decidedly more slapdash approach. Unless you’re trying to impress someone with your double rainbow, 3-part flaming turtle, 1 part rhino moonshine alcopunch, I find it much more rewarding to throw everything together in the shortest amount of time possible, trying not to make a mess of it, so you can just get it in ya.

The Bitch Colada was conceived on an uncharacteristically mild winter night in a small, parisian apartment. Somewhat resembling a Peach Colada, it was named as such because that’s exactly what I heard when my french friends drunkenly repeated my description of this ghetto cocktail.

What you’ll need:

  • A container to mix/store your cocktail in – empty disposable bottles are great because you can cap ’em, shake ’em and take ’em where ever you’re going!
  • Peach syrup – you can use peach juice if you want to be healthy/fancy, but this unholy creation is cheap and peach flavoured enough for the purpose of this recipe
  • Coconut milk/cream of coconut – Coconut milk has a lower fat content, especially the “reduced-fat coconut milk” (le duh)
  • Rum
  • Water – to water that bitch down! (but for serious, it’s strong.)

What you have to do:

  1. In your container of choice, mix a generous dash of peach syrup, a splash of coconut milk, a healthy dose of rum and water that baby down with, well, water.
  2. Shake it up, or mix it daintily with a silver spoon.
  3. Give it a taste.
  4. Tweak it to your desired level of sweetness/creaminess/intoxicalisiousness (I deliberately gave vague measurements because ONLY YOU know how YOU like YOUR Bitch Colada)
  5. And enjoy!

Disclaimer: I hold no responsibility for how hammered you may or may not get as a result of drinking this beverage. Please be responsible and hold young children’s hands when crossing roads. HAPPY DRINKING!

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